so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
