just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
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