Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Randomize
