I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
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