Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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