Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Randomize
