Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Randomize
