Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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