TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
