life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
I think i peed on brittanys purse
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
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