Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
