Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Randomize
