Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
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