We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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