When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
