That's intense
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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