he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
