So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
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