R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
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