Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize