Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
You don't make any sense
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