Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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