He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Randomize
