im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
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