Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
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