do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Randomize
