My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Randomize
