You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
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