He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
