dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Randomize
