I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
He passed out mid-signature
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
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