I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
she smelled like a LAN party
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize
