Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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