mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Randomize
