Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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