Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
