: south campus drug res life name erik. Love, tran
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
