Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
