just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
