Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
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