You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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