we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Randomize
