dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
home. puking in laundry basket.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
