see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
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