he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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