Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
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