you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
