What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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