hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Randomize
