Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
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