Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
don't judge my taste in strippers
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
