i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
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