God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
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Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
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