Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
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