my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
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