Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
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