she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
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