Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
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