I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
you didnt know i had herpes?
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
Semen is not good for contacts.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
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