It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
