I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Just puked most of my soul out..
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
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