im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Randomize
