Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
honey bunches of taint.
Four minutes until I can fart!
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
