shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
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