Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
Randomize
