Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Randomize
