There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
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