yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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