i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
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