I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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