drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
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