just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
sick fucks of a feather flock together
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
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