Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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