I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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