Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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