He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
