great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
