hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
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